Two weeks after I married who I thought to be my “soulmate”, “man of my dreams”, it went spiraling down hill very quickly. He became angry and depressed. He stopped working. He would literally sit at home waiting for me to come home from work and want to fight. About nothing. He would have these manic episodes where he would want to fight all night and he wouldn’t let me go to sleep. He tore all the bedding off the bed so I couldn’t sleep in it. He was punching holes in the walls. NOT the man I married. I knew he needed help. I couldn’t live like that, nor should he.
So two months in I had an intervention with our pastor, my parents, and his mother and sister. I said he needed to seek help and family members also agreed and wanted this for him as well. He was very angry that I even had this “intervention” but I felt as though I couldn’t fight that battle alone anymore. I needed support. We started marriage counseling. He agreed to meet with our pastor once a week. He was on his best behavior for about one month and then the anger set in again.
We got in an argument about me wanting to get out on a Saturday and go to a house show and he said “why do you want to go to a house show!? We don’t have any f****ing money to buy a house!!!” And it’s true we didn’t have any money to buy a house because I was the only one paying the bills. My entire check went to paying the bills. So I got in my car and to go anyways. I just wanted to get out of the house and do something that didn’t cost money. He got in his car and chased me down calling me on the phone, tailing my bumper, cussing me out and said he was so mad that he was going to “blow his f***ing brains out!” …… well that scared the hell out of me because: 1. He owned multiple guns. 2. He was so angry I didn’t know what he was going to do. I was afraid to go back into my own home.
I called my parents and told them what happened and they said “STAY PUT! We are coming to get you. Don’t go back in that house without us!” I had to go back and get my dog, there was no telling what someone would do in the state of mind he was in. And there were signs that he was abusing him while I wasn’t at home which breaks my heart to even think about.
Needless to say it was not pretty when I walked in with my parents. He flipped out “how dare you come into my house and take my wife and take my dog! This is our marriage, stay out of it!” He was throwing glasses and furniture. I quickly threw clothes into a giant bag and got my dog and my mom in my car and as we were backing out he slammed the automatic garage door on the hood of my car.
I stayed at my parents house for 10 days. In my heart I didn’t want to go back. But I suspected he had bipolar disorder and I did take a vow for sickness and in health. I told him the only way I would come home is if he went to get a psych evaluation. He didn’t want to do that. But he said he would go to his therapist and I went with him. Not much came of it except an inaccurate diagnosis of adult ADHD.
We ended up moving into his mothers basement. Again because I was paying all the bills with my paycheck and his “sales job from home” was unreliable. He kept telling me he had “deals in the pipeline” when really he was just sitting at home doing God knows what. I had my suspicions though. I wasn’t stupid. I asked him to get a different sales job where he actually went to work, had a salary, and interacted with other adults. That was always a fight.
The cycle of anger started again. He had me up in the middle of the night again at 2 or 3 am wanting to fight. This time it was about not wanting to have sex with him. Hmmmm I wonder why…. I didn’t feel secure, safe, loved, protected, respected. He started throwing things again and trying to scare me and intimidate me. I put my poker face on and went into the TV room and asked him to please just stop. He walked away and came back with his pistol and threw it on the coffee table infront of me and said “I really shouldn’t be around that right now.” It was extremely threatening , and with his anger and erratic behavior I was terrified. I didn’t flinch and laid on that couch and didn’t take my eyes off that gun until the sun came up. I packed just an over night bag and told him I needed to go to my parents to think and have some space. I down played it because I was afraid of him and how he would react. He still didn’t react well and tried to run out to my car and rip my dog out of the car. I knew when I pulled out of the driveway it was over, I was never going back. I have made peace with my relationship with God bc I know he would never want that for me. In sickness and health but when it’s life threatening, it’s time to go.
*Edited to add- this story is terrifying, I know. The woman who sent it in took this tragedy and restarted her life. She is now successful, happy, and traveling the world. If any of you reading this are in an abusive relationship, please call this number.