People keep asking me- “You’re so close, aren’t you so excited?” Um, DUH! Get this alien OUT OF ME!! I mean that in the most loving way possible by the way, I swear. I’m just OVER being fat and round and swollen and gross. So done. The “glow” has left the building, people. More like run from it, screaming. The third trimester just sucks, and here’s why:
- Cellulite: I mean, seriously? I’m making a human here. Do I have to look in the mirror and see craters in my thighs and butt? I even have dimples on my knees! Why???
- Cankles: In the same vein- WTH? My calves and feet have no differentiation- it’s just this glob of flesh above my sneakers. It’s even better when people notice: “OMG honey look at your ankles!” or “You’re so swollen” No shiz Sherlock. I am well aware how disgusting I am, but thank you for pointing it out.
- Heartburn/Acid Reflux. I mean, who doesn’t love that elephant sitting on your chest feeling? And bring on the vomit! Wahoo!
- Backaches/Bodyaches: My body hurts. My back hurts. My belly hurts. Everything hurts. Don’t touch me. Better yet don’t even talk to me.
- Because Hormones. This should be number one because HOLY TOLEDO BATMAN if you breathe on me wrong, I will deck you. It’s not you, it’s me. I can swing from bawling my eyes out over a sweet commercial, to yelling obscenities at drivers on the road, to laughing hysterically for no reason- all in the matter of minutes. Temporary Insanity due to pregnancy has to be a medical diagnosis- right?
- Other people– That comment you’re thinking of making about my belly? Don’t say it. Im cranky and gross and if I hear “My you’ve REALLY popped” or “WHOA BELLY” one more time.. let’s just say it won’t be pretty. Also, don’t take this beach ball under my shirt as an invitation to tell me all about your beautiful pregnancy and delivery and how much you looooooved it. At this point, I don’t care if you birthed a magical unicorn. Actually, pretty much anything you say to me regarding pregnancy will piss me off, so your best bet would be to just NOT.
- Exhaustion/Insomnia– I’m so tired I can’t get out of bed, but I also can’t sleep. Why? Because pregnancy! Shouldn’t our bodies know we need rest before that little dictator shows up, keeping us awake every single night?
- Peeing your pants. It’s gonna happen, and it’s gonna be embarrassing. “You ain’t cool unless you pee your pants” – Thank you Billy Madison.
- NO ALCOHOL– The best way to deal with alllll of the issues above would be to have a large glass of wine. Or bottle. Or a shot or two. But apparently that’s frowned upon during pregnancy. So no alcohol. And every time my significant other orders a scotch or margarita I want to punch him in the face.
- The Wait– Its excruciating. Because not only am I feeling and looking like I was put through the wash one too many times, I am just DYING to hold this baby.
I am well aware it will all be worth it in the end. This is not my first rodeo. But right now just let me wallow in self pity and chocolate until my bundle of joy shows up, ok?
This gave me a laugh and I passed along to my co-worker who is in her third trimester! Good luck, not too much longer!
Third trimester is the hardest, I agree. At least you have matching cankles – my left ankle was the only one that blew up which looked rather funny!
In all seriousness, just try to think about how amazing it will be once the baby arrives. I know it’s hard but will pay off in the end.
Third trimester is tough alright, but holding-your-little-bundle-of-joy-days are coming closer. Something to look forward to! But yes to everything you mentioned about third trimester. No fun at all!
Thanks for the honesty. I’ve never been pregnant, but I have a couple of friends who are right there with you in the third trimester. I wish you all the best as you get to the finish line and start your adventures with this little one.
Yikes! I better enjoy the last few weeks of my second trimester.
Hahaha… Yep! For both of my pregnancies, as soon as I hit 7 months, I was soooo done being pregnant! 😛 Love my babies, don’t get me wrong… just, yeah…
I’m pretty sure I hated every single person I talked to during my 3rd trimester with my little man. The comments about “are you sure it’s not twins” I was ready to lose it!
Giiiiirl I feel you. I cannot tell you how uncomfortable I’ve been… I feel like I’m twice the size I was with Naomi, and people keep reminding me of it. >:( I’ve also been suffering from a pretty severe bladder infection that even had me in the hospital last week (thank goodness everything’s fine and baby is staying put) but come. on.
Oh gosh I feel you on all of these things and it totally takes me back a few months when I was in the exact same situation! It really is such a crazy time because you are so over all of it and then a bit nervous for how everything is going to change once it’s over . . . plus then there’s just more hormones …. ugh!
YES to other people. The worst part for me, by far, about the third trimester is listening to other people’s advice, opinions, and speculation. I’m okay with baby advice; I don’t love it, but I’ll take it. It’s the “ooh, are you sure it isn’t twins?” “you look about ready to pop!” “I’d just drink castor oil if I were you.” Drives. Me. Crazy.
I hear you! I remember me when I was at your stage! I just couldn’t wait for the next step to finally begin! And here we are almost 13 years later! haha
Hang in there – the finish line is already in sight! xxx
I hear ya. I hated being pregnant and the third trimester was the worst!
Thank you for this.. I needed it.. today in my third trimester I keep reminding my self almost there..
Thank you,
Amanda very tired soon to be momma
OMG this is too real and too funny and too scary and ahhhhh. All the emotions. I’m scared to be pregnant someday for all of these things, but mostly because I’m already hormonal as heck the way it is, and with that on hyperspeed, I don’t think people will want to be within two cities of me! Ha!
Coming Up Roses
No alcohol is… The worst!!! ? This was great! I’m glad to hear other people complain about this too! ? You are so close & look amazing! I can’t wait to workout with you!
This was such a funny read!
I can’t imagine all the feelings you go through while pregnant…I’m sure my future husband will be just thrilled when I am extremely hormonal haha.
xoxo, Jenny
Girrrl, I’m SO with you on all of the above (it sucks!!!). Also, to note: I pee a little every time I do any of the following: laugh, giggle, sneeze, attempt to “workout”, or if someone startles me.
Also, two more points that might be TMI:
1) yeast infections… OVER IT!
2) the headaches. Extra blood volume = extra pounding headaches.
Waaaah, let’s get this last trimester over with!!
Aubrey | thedandyliar.com
Love love love this post!!!
haha omg I love this post. It’s actually honest!!! I find it so annoying when women act like their pregnancy is PERFECT, It scares the shit out of me and puts these insane expectations out there and of course my husband listens to them. We don’t have kiddos yet. But when we do he better not tell me how I should or shouldn’t be during pregnancy. I literally read this to him and he said “oh babe it won’t be like that, look at Lauren (our friend), she had an amazing time while prego”… oh man. smh
Well girl, you look lovely and I’m not just saying that to make you feel better. The pic above is stunning and basically every instagram pic you have. Hot mama! Great post, thanks for being honest
Danielle Greco – AccordingtoD.com
I felt like a freakin’ whale in my third trimester. I was so achy all over!
I think I’ll keep this post away from my wife or she’ll never get pregnant!
LOL. Oh just wait. If you think you’re peeing your pants now, just wait until you get older….
Yes, the third trimester is the WORST. I don’t recall getting a good nights sleep. Mostly I just remember sitting straight up in bed attempting to fall asleep while sitting up, and glaring angrily at my husband who was sleeping peacefully next to me…
YES to all of this! I haven’t peed my pants yet, but I’m at 30 weeks so maybe that’s still on the horizon. Ick!
What about having nothing cute to wear b/c
1) maternity clothes are expensive and you only buy the bare essentials and
2) There aren’t many cute maternity clothes to begin with 🙁
I really can’t wait to have my body back!
Add, “All the food you crave, you can’t eat. Sushi. Deli meat. A beautiful, medium-rare steak. Lox on a bagel. Hot dogs and pepperoni. The caffeine you want-no, NEED- to muddle through the day but aren’t supposed to consume.”
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