Hey friends! Jessica here. I want to introduce you to Sara from Village and Vineyard. She was brave enough to share her divorce story with us, and I am so thankful to her for doing so. If you want to share your story, email me at [email protected]!
Sitting in history 101 my Freshman year of college, I couldn’t shake this feeling when he turned to me to ask a question. It was game over after that. We spent most of our moments together and ended up being pregnant with our first child in early 2008. I was over the moon and so thrilled, my parents not so much. Looking back I knew they saw the red flags. Looking back now, I see them loud and clear.
Two kids and a divorce later here I am. I am happily married to the man of my dreams and we welcomed our first child together 3 months ago. Let me tell you, it took every ounce of strength I had to get here.
When I decided to leave my now ex-husband, it was the hardest and easiest decision I made in my life. Despite the cheating, gambling and drinking, I stayed for our children. Now I realize, staying only hurt our children. They never got the best version of me. They got the mom who was always sad, crying, and had very little patience. I threw everything I had into trying to be this perfect woman to make my then husband want to choose me and choose me every single day. It was silly. I now know this.
One particular night, he did it. He pushed me so far over the edge. I’m not ready to give details as I’m still learning to cope with what happened to this day. After that night, I packed my two boys up and we left. We left with one suitcase of clothes. I moved us out and to a friends house.
I can’t begin to tell you the depths of darkness I reached. I didn’t even know places like that even existed. I was lost, hurt, lonely, and anger. I think those are some of the most deadly combinations of emotions. I was at the lowest of lows when I randomly found this book one day cleaning out at my mother’s. It was this moment I decided enough was enough. I dove into this book and my life forever changed. It light a fire in me I didn’t even know I had.
From that moment, I swore off men for a year and decided it was time for me to learn to love ME. It was time for me to learn how to be happy and how to be happy on my own.
Moving forward, I made a promise to myself. I would set three small goals on the 1st of every month. I was set to accomplish those goals by the last day of the month. I remember my first three goals so vividly: Read a book, buy a little black dress, and spend more time with friends.
This is where my life kind of got off course (Yes, already. Insert eye rolls). I spent my month checking off each goal. I found this little black dress on sale. It was completely out of my comfort zone. Something I would not have ever worn in the past because I hated my body so much but I was on a journey of self love and so I bought it. I bought it with no intentions of wearing it but just to hang in my closet and to say I accomplished one of my goals.
Here’s where life gets funny. I saw a post on social media from a girl I knew. She was more of a friend of a friend. She was selling a $50 ticket to her Mardi Gras Ball (southern tradition) and wanted to know if anyone would be interested. I impulsively jumped on the post and dropped an “I’m interested” emoji. Surely she had sold it by then. Everyone loves going to these balls so it would sell quickly.
Nope. It was mine for the taking. I struggled to spend the $50 on myself. I thought, “what about hair and makeup?! I suck at those and I have NOTHING to wear.” Plus, I suffer from social anxiety and I would be opening myself up for a miserable night as I knew literally NO ONE going.
Little black dress. I just bought that little black dress weeks prior! After hours of self pep talk and encouragement from my family, I decided to go. I would get all dolled up, attend this ball alone, sit with people I’ve never met. I guess I’ve been more miserable in my life so what harm could it do?!
Then he walked in. Oh boy, was he handsome! And his date was GORGEOUS!! Oh crap, they are sitting at my table. Oh crap, oh crap. They know my friend of a friend too. They walked over to the table and the gorgeous woman introduced her FRIEND. She said friend. Friend…as in not boyfriend. Initially, I thought he was gay because he was very well dressed, sat down putting a chair between us, and positioned his body away from me. Of course he’s gay. No straight, single man in his right mind would turn away from this dress! It was a killer dress.
Turns out he’s not gay, y’all. He’s now my husband!!
If you get anything out of my journey, let it be that it’s okay to mourn the loss of your marriage. It was supposed to be your happily ever after. DO NOT. I repeat DO NOT, get lost in darkness. Use your support system. Find tiny ways to love yourself and rediscover who you are as a woman. That terrible season in life is just that. A season. And all seasons change.
@villageandvineyard
www.villageandvineyard.com
This was a good read and I can relate to some of the things that happened in your life. My ex-husband was such a “mama’s boy” who did nothing to notice the effort I put in to make the marriage work. He was always “mom said…” Well, then, go live with your mom. I left him, took the kids with me and I am now better off with my husband of 12 years who loves me and my kids. No regrets. The present is the most important things. The past are only lessons.
This was such a heartfelt read! I felt like I was with you by the way you were telling the story. It ended so perfectly. I love the last bit! Thank you for sharing <3
– Krisy (kronicles.co)
I was totally into this story! I loved how she overcame the horribleness that is (sometimes) divorce, and found her true “happily ever after”. Amazing story with excellent advice!
I’m so glad you shared this. So many women go through divorce, and they feel like they failed in some way. Or that they shouldn’t feel sadness because the guy they left was a jerk. But I really feel like any divorce, even one from a real stinker, is a sad thing. Even if the guy is a total tool, you’ll still mourn the loss of what you wanted to have and go through the pain of the drawn out process of legally severing that tie.
I love this story so much. You were so strong to finally decided to get out, and don’t feel like you didn’t do it soon enough. You did it, and that’s what matters. You also took one little risk and did something for yourself, and look where it took you. To a happy life. I’m so glad you found a man who is good and kind and worthy to be your husband.
The ladies that are sharing their stories are such strong women who have come through the fire! Thank you for the bravery, ladies!
Wow! This is such a great post! I can totally relate to the story as one of my close friends had the same scenario before. You are a strong woman! It’s so inspirational!
Thank you to your friend for sharing her story! I was hooked. I’m sorry for all the pain and low moments she went through, but I’m glad she learned to love herself and the right man again!
Yyyeeessssss, Sara! Thank you for reassuring millions of people out there! Somebody needed that.
It’s never easy to admit we might have jumped the gun or made a mistake. It takes a big person to move on and remake yourself!
Glad I had the opportunity of running into this post. My parents divorced when we were very young. It is not a happy time. Glad the ending was a happy one. Thank you for sharing.
I really love this message. It is so important with any time of grieving that we do not stay there.
This sounds like such a tough road. However, it sounds like you learned a lot and everything is right in the world again.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I have a couple of friends that are currently going through a divorce and at times I don’t know what to say or do. I try to tell them that this is just a storm that will pass, but I don’t know if that’s the right metaphor to use. I try not to say too much, I listen. I listen and if I hear certain things I’ll act, but I don’t judge and I can’t give advice, but I can be an ear. The end of your story about the dress, and how you met your new husband made me smile. 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I have a friend going through a tough divorce right now and will pass this along to her to hopefully lift her spirits.
I loved reading about Sara. Her story is inspiring and informative. Looking forward to reading more!
Love this story, thanks for sharing your journey. A wonderful reminder to always push ourselves out of our comfort zones and always have a little black dress on hand….just in case 😉
What a great post with a fabulous ending! A great example of how to break out of some of our fears (I’m talking the little things, like buying that dress)! Can’t imagine the pain you went through, and nice to close the book on that chapter!
Thanks for opening up and sharing your story. <3 It's not easy but thank you!
I want to know what happened between Sara’s future husband turning away from her killer LBD to popping the question! Can we have a follow up post with that love story? Anyway, thank you for sharing this post. It was a moving read, and I appreciate the openness shared.
Divorce is so hard. I’ve been there and it’s not an easy thing to go through. Thank your friend for me for sharing her story.
Appreciate you sharing! Best wishes!
We always forget that our children hurt along with us. Being unhappy carries over tenfold. When my husband and realized things weren’t working naturally between us anymore, we decided to seek help. In our surprise, it helped, but the route my husband wanted to take would have lead us straight to divorce. Which is not a bad thing, but he just didn’t want to try.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! Off to check out your blog!
I’m happy for you that you were able to pick up the pieces and move on, Sara. Divorce is never easy, and the scars remain longer than most are willing to admit, especially for children. I wish you peace and love in your new marriage.